I can be overly zealous about things. Seriously passionate. Why is it that being passionate about other non-religious things or even non-Jesus religious things are acceptable, yet being a complete sold out Jesus freak is not? I look at it from the “true believer” perspective. Christians who are true believers are looked at like fanatics, lunatics, freaks, but people who are passionate about any other religion or thing on this earth are praised as driven, passionate, and are applauded for their efforts. I say it is simply the demons at work. This world and Satan has only one desire and goal, to get us to turn from Christ and to anything and everything that is a false hope or false pursuits in hopes of never allowing anyone to see the Truth. Be on guard, Christian and keep your eye trained on the One who is Truth.

Galatians 1:14 ESV
And I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people, so extremely zealous was I for the traditions of my fathers.

The people of Galatia were adding to the original gospel Paul preached to them by adding Jewish customs and traditions. He was harshly rebuking them for this but he also told them his own story showing them that he could relate. He was not just pointing the finger. Paul wants them to know how important the Jewish traditions were to him and that he was a Jews Jew. He understands their desire to uphold the Jewish customs. Let’s always remember that our actions speak louder than words to our non-Christian friends and family. If you are a follower of Christ, then do just that, follow Christ. Too many who claim to be Christian say they follow Christ but clearly follow the traditions and distractions of this Satan-delivered world.

Little cracks. Little fractures. So small you can hardly see them. But YOU can see them. You know they are there. My self wanting to be You. My self wanting to be right. My self wanting to be in charge. I give myself to You every day and then battle with You to try to nit pick it back. Then I end my day again in my bed asking for forgiveness. Sleeping. Then waking with resolve to give it all to You today, everything. Then the cycle begins again. Nit pick here nit pick there. My flesh unwittingly tries to take it back. Even though my mind tells me no. My heart even tells me no. My soul screams no. But it is my flesh that is waging war against me. My flesh wants deity. It wants what it cannot have. My soul is disgusted and even devastated by the strength of my flesh. But then my heart is renewed in an instant. In a flash. In a split of a split second. Because it remembers. It knows. It rests in the simple truth that You are Sovereign. You are LORD. You are MY God and nothing, NOTHING can separate me from you, not even my own meddling flesh. Oh happy day. Oh joyous day. What peace this brings to every fiber of my being, even to my flesh that becomes placated by your Spirit. What rest I find in You Jesus! What amazing peace, joy, rest, and love.

I sit here knowing in my head this is true, knowing in my heart this is true. To GOD be the glory. But then there is again… my worldly flesh constantly gnawing at my soul saying NO! I WANT TO BE IN CHARGE! How insidious. How irritating. But then sometimes I let it. I let it in. I can feel the slip. LORD help me. LORD deliver me. To YOU be the glory. To YOU be everything. I long for humility. To be nothing not only in front of You but to be nothing when I am at my worst. To be nothing when my flesh cries the battle cry of “Unfair!” and “I am right!” and “I deserve that!” All these are selfishness in it’s pure form. Selfishness my soul wants no part in yet my flesh screams and stomps its feet in protest to have. There is beauty in the battle. Beauty in the process. I have come to look back with loving affection at the hard trials I have gone through and have resolved to remember them when I go through the next one. With each trial I come closer to the goal. The goal of complete humility and the full, pure holy cry, TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

I live outside of eternity in a bubble of time. My life and everything I know is inside this bubble. But there is more, way more, that I don’t even know or understand. That unknown “world” is God and everything in Him. As CS Lewis puts it, imagine rolling out a huge scroll of paper that goes on and on and on in front of you and in back of you. Now draw a tiny dot. You might think you know where I am going. The dot is your life. No, CS Lewis represents the dot as time. Time as we know it is a tiny dot in the grand scheme of things. He is working everything out and has a beautiful plan. I am a new creation and am part of that plan. How it is that I am, is beyond me, but then again I am in the bubble. My filter is now the holes in the hands of my Savior. Everything in my life must be filtered through those holes. Lord help me to continually look to the cross and the gift of grace and peace you so graciously lavished on your child.

Ephesians 1:4
Thank you for selecting me. ME of all people. Thank you that I am one of your children. The words “thank you” do not do it justice because I should be groveling on my face every day in honor and service to you. My submission and thanks are not balanced in the scales of what I deserve compared to what I am actually getting. The scale is so out of balance that it is ludicrous. Yet here I sit, forgiven. Here I sit, one of your chosen children. Unbelievable. Unthinkable. Unjust in some eyes, yet fully just and perfectly just in yours. Your plan is perfect and I am in awe that I am a part of your plan. YOUR plan! Wow. Thank you!

When I think about Your omnipotence it gives me great relief. But then I think about your great omnipotence in light of my own ignorant arrogance. Why are you so patient with me? Why are you not consuming me with fire like in Moses’ time? Unlike the people of that day, I do have the Spirit in me yet I am still so rotten at times if not always in your sight. How do I overcome this? Your blood has covered me but my soul is in constant battle with my flesh. Help me overcome my flesh! With you, everything is possible. With you there is nothing too hard. With you I can take my rest even for just a little while, while I wait in earnest for my eternal rest. Because you are omnipotent I find rest. You are rest. You take away my burdens because I know your plan is perfect. I know you are fully in control and there is nothing I can do to mess that up. The power you have is so great. Greater than we can even know or put a meter to. Your power is fully outside the definition of what power means to us. Our understanding is a shadow of what it is. Our understanding is continually bastardized and hijacked by our feeble minds. Help me to understand you just a little more today. Help me to lean more fully on your omnipotence. Help me to give up my ignorant arrogance and trust more completely in you today. You are my everything. You are my whole. You are my power.

Purpose. We all desire it. We somehow need it. We often times loose it. My husband has often accused me of trying to save the world at the expense of my own family. He is right in some regard but where he finds a weakness I find one of my biggest strengths. I am driven. Almost too much so. When I have a purpose there is really nothing anyone can do to stop me. It is when my purpose gets suddenly halted that I feel like I have failed. But I pray. I pray and pray and pray. I ask for clarity. I ask for understanding. I ask for wisdom. Asking for wisdom is a funny thing. It is not what you would expect. Wisdom is understanding God’s will. Not understanding our issues or circumstances. By simply resting in His sovereignty allows a great burden to be taken from my shoulders whenever I get “stopped in my tracks.” In reality, yes I am driven, but fully and wholly by God. Not on my own steam but on His. And guess what? His path, his direction, his tracks are WAY better than mine. What a blessing to know and be known by the Almighty God and Creator of the Universe!

People are generally cowards. We don’t like confrontation. We don’t like heated conversations. While we may have a conviction or two about something, if we think our livelihood or perhaps even our life could be at stake, we skirt around issues. The men who came to arrest Jesus in Matthew 26:55 were cowards. Jesus even called them out on it. Every day he was out in the open but because of their cowardice and fear of what the people would do, they waited until the middle of the night to arrest him. I look back on my life when I identified with Christianity but was not actually saved. I thought I was saved but was a coward. I would go to church and discuss Christ with people who were safe. I kept my “religion” to myself at work and in mixed social circles. I was a politically correct “Christian.” I believed what I believed and I let others believe what they believed and kept quiet about it. I was a coward. I didn’t want to loose business. I was a coward. I didn’t want people to think I was a Jesus freak. I was a coward. I didn’t want to loose friends. I was a coward. Jesus turned all that around on May 20th 2013 when he knocked some sense into me. He revealed himself to me and it was then that I truly understood that just because I identified with Christ did not mean I was one of His. I was truly a coward. Then, all of the sudden, I was not anymore. Jesus showed me my sin. He showed me how much I loved this world. He showed me how arrogant and ignorant I had been. He showed me that I loved myself above all, the worst form of idolatry. It was then that I raised the white flag and repented of my sin and placed my full trust and faith in Jesus. I became bold. It didn’t matter. All those things I held so dear, just didn’t matter. All that mattered was Jesus and what he wanted me to do. Looking back on the past 2 years I have seen some of the hardest trials I have ever had to go through. Yes, I lost friends, good ones. Yes, I lost business, A LOT of business. Yes, I have gotten into a lot of heated discussions and have been slandered, and people have flat out lied about me. But guess what!? PRAISE GOD! Praise Jesus, that I have been counted worthy to undergo and withstand even the slightest mildest form of persecution. What a joy to be bold. What a joy to know Jesus. WHAT A JOY TO BE A PROUD JESUS FREAK!