Conversation Between Jesus and a Modern Day “Christian” by jwise
(Jesus’ words in blue)

Hello.

Oh.. well hello. Mike. Glad to meet you. *hand shake*

Greetings, Mike. My name is Jesus.

Jesus? Ah, Jesus! I know you! From the Bible, right?

Yes, that’s me. Would you like to follow after me for a while?

Well, I’d love to, Jesus… But, see, 24 is on tonight, and if I miss even one episode, the show just won’t make any sense! But don’t worry, I’m DEFINITELY one of your believers!

“Believers?” I’m not familiar with that phrase…

You know.. Your followers.. A Christian!

Strange.. I would have guessed that my followers were those who… follow me.

Well, yeah, if you take everything literally! But I know the Bible pretty well. You have to to be a believer, ya know? *nervous laugh* And it’s by grace through FAITH that I’m saved, not of works. And I KNOW I have faith, Jesus. I mean, you should know that too, right?

If you believe my Word, then why do you not follow me?

I told you, I’d love to.. but…

*interrupting* but your TV show is a must-see. I know.

Great. I’m glad you understand. I’ll talk to you later, ya know. When I pray for dinner!

Actually, I don’t know that I DO understand. Do you love me?

What kind of a silly question is that??! Of course I love you! All Christians love you!

Then follow me!

We’ve been through this twice now, Jesus.

You love your TV show more than me. Is that not true?

Of course it’s not true!

Actions speak louder than words, Mike.

*a bit frustrated* Jesus, of course I love you more than ANYTHING. I’d DIE for you!

You would? But you won’t follow me? I think you’re deceiving yourself. Come, follow me, and I will show you my Kingdom.

Oh, I know your Kingdom. It’s Heaven! I’m already assured a spot there myself! But that time comes later… after I die. I’ll see you there, okay?

Mike, do you not know that I am the Way? No man will enter my Kingdom unless he follows me there.

Jesus, we’ve been through this already, too! I DO believe in you. I have faith. That’s all I need to get into Heaven.

You say you’re familiar with the Bible?

Of course.

Well, remember what my brother James said? That faith without works is dead?

Yeah.. That means that because I’m a Christian, I should go to church and try to be happy about it.

Not at all. It means that if your faith doesn’t lead you to die daily, pick up your cross, and follow me, then your faith is not really faith at all.

Preposterous! I have faith, Jesus! I know I do, because I asked you into my heart years ago!

Asked me into your heart? What on earth does that mean?

It means I gave over my will and decided to do what you want me to do!

First, I never told ANYONE to “ask me into his heart”. Secondly, you demand that you won’t follow me, but now tell me that years ago decided to do whatever I want you to do? Mike, you’re not making any sense.

Okay, Jesus, so I’m not perfect.

No, you’re certainly not. But follow me, and I will make you new; I will teach you how to live unto righteousness. I will forgive your sins and make you clean.

You did that already, Jesus! *nervous laugh*

Obviously not. You say you love me, but you will not follow. You say you believe, but you will not obey. Yet you expect that your sins are forgiven.

Of course they are. John said “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

I’m aware of what John said. He spoke truthfully of me. Surely I will forgive those who confess their sins. But it is in following me that you realize the latter part — Truly I will remove all sin from you, and train you in righteousness.

I dunno… It sounds like works to me! I know the Gospel — that Heaven is available to everyone who believes.

You think you believe, but you deceive yourself. If you believe, then forget about your TV show and come follow me! I will give you life everlasting.

I already HAVE eternal life!

Apart from me you are dead, Mike.

*Mike staring off into space*

Mike?

Yeah, sorry… See that guy over there?

Dave?

Yes, Dave. He is SUCH a jerk!

Mike! What did I tell you about calling your neighbor a “jerk”? Do you know I made Dave in my image? I have great plans for him!

He cut me off on my way to work.. I was SO mad, Jesus! Heh, I guess a few words slipped on that day…

I’ll say they did. But remember that out of a man’s heart come his words.

Yeah.. anyway, he’s always such a jer– I mean, so mean to me!

Mike, you’ve never even met him! Why don’t you forgive him for cutting you off? That was over three years ago.

I can’t forgive him, Jesus! I’ve tried; I just can’t…

Do you not know what I said of those who won’t forgive? Truly, I tell you, if you do not forgive Dave, and anyone else, then my Father will by no means forgive you.

Oh, come on, Lord!

Why do you call me Lord? You refuse to follow me. You refuse to do as I say. You say you believe, but your heart is far from me.

*getting angry now* Jesus, maybe those silly legalists got to you. I KNOW I have faith! I KNOW I’m going to Heaven someday. You’re way too caught up in works and proving my faith. I’ll show you someday. I’m going to go watch 24 now. I hope you get back to the Jesus I know — love and hope and GOOD NEWS. Have a good night.

As I have been, so am I now, and so I will always be. Truly I tell you, turn from your wicked ways, forgive those who sin against you, let go of this world, come follow me, and I will certainly give you eternal life. I love you, Mike.

G’night.