Marriage | Holy. Just. Love.

What have we become? Overwhelmed. Worrisome. Riddled with anxiety. I had thoughts of becoming an excellent wife as a young girl. Like the descriptions in the Bible – a wife who is regarded as “more precious than jewels” and praised by her husband, who is strong, smart, generous, skilled, dignified, wise, kind, full of hope, without fear of the future, and without worry. This describes the women of long ago. These are the women we are supposed to emulate. What happened? How did we veer so far off course?

I remember watching my son focused as he worked, masterfully creating and artfully building, snapping one LEGO piece together with another. I often wondered what he was creating and how it was to be used.

What is my purpose? Why was I created? Amidst a myriad of worldly reasons, the roll of women has been battled and argued, seemingly won at times, only to find more confusion and frustration arise from within the human ranks as history speeds on. To obtain a correct view of our purpose we must take several large steps back and ask ourselves Who created us and what was the Creator’s intentions.

You would probably find it comical, if not outright frightening, if your child’s LEGO creation stood up and boldly proclaimed its autonomy with an inherent right to decide for itself its purpose. I can almost hear what my child’s respond would be as he corrects his creation and decides to change mid-play its intended use, or chooses to smash it to pieces in order to build it up as something wholly different.

Why is this any different with the Almighty Creator of the universe in regard to us? Just because we have will, conscience, and seeming autonomy, the fact of the matter is, we have a purpose that was already determined. All we need to do is understand two specific intentions as put forth by our Creator.

Why were YOU created by God?

“let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33

Can it really be that simple? Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. Oddly it sort of is. Women have a basic need to be loved and men have a basic need to be respected. In Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs he goes into great detail about how this works. I highly recommend buying a copy and trying out what he suggests. It may just save your marriage, or at least it will enhance your marriage greatly. Below is a snippet I pulled from Michael Hyatt’s review on the book. You can see what he had to say here.

Emerson uses two acronyms to explain to men and women how to provide what their partner needs. To the men, he uses the acronym of C-O-U-P-L-E to remind them what their wives need. This is how you spell love to your wife:

Closeness—She wants you to be close.
Openness—She wants you to open up to her.
Understanding—Don’t try to fix her; just listen.
Peacemaking—She wants you to say, “I’m sorry.”
Loyalty—She needs to know you’re committed.
Esteem—She wants you to honor and cherish her.

To the women, he uses the acronym of C-H-A-I-R-S to remind them what their husbands needs. This is how you spell respect to your husband:

Conquest—Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
Hierarchy—Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
Authority—Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead.
Insight—Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
Relationship—Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
Sexuality—Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.

I have read the book and tried out a lot of what Eggerichs suggests. To put it simply, buy showing my husband respect and actually telling him that I respect him has made a huge difference in our relationship.