Prayer of Salvation

As I sit here in tears, on my 11th salvation anniversary, at 4am in the morning, I am reminded of the beauty of the mercy and grace that was lavished on me 11 years ago for no reason at all other than God chose me.

At 3am, I was woken up by my husband who was quietly sobbing next to me because of the immense pain he is in. Three discs in his back are bulging from late stage diabetes and the pain is unbearable at times. I used to say I can count how many times I have seen him cry on one hand, but now it seems to be a daily occurrence. This is a difficult time for someone who never shows emotion.

We’ve been together since we were 18. If you have read my testimony you will know that I thought I was saved during those years. We were marred when we were 30. I still married him even though I though I was saved. I now understand why I did not have the strength to let go of my high school love.

People used to tell me how hard it would be since we were “unequally yolked”. What they did not understand, and what I now understand, is that we were equally yolked at the time. Our marriage was really easy in the beginning. It was not until 2013 that things drastically changed. Becoming an actual Christian, fully saved, filled, and sealed by the Holy Spirit changed everything.

Now, over 20 years of marriage later, he is still not saved and is as stubborn as ever. Tonight I told him to ask God to help him with his pain. I told him I have been praying for him too. What Tim doesn’t know is that I don’t pray that God would heal him. I pray that God would save him. His soul is of far more value than his decaying body.

If you read this, would you please pray for Tim O’Sullivan. Not for his body, but for his soul? Pray that God would grant Tim the same wonderful mercy and grace He gave to me on May 19, 2013. Pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal to him that he is a sinner, that he needs forgiveness, and he needs to be holy in front of a Holy God that he may be meeting sooner than later.

Thank you my friend! God is good, even through the valley.

Pick Up Your Cross

Matthew 16:24-26 tells us to deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Jesus. I was recently asked in a group study “What practical ways can you “deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus” in your life today?”

This is tough because this question often falls back on how we may have culturally read this verse. Something along the lines of being less selfish and consider what things you might sacrifice. Some people may even associate it with giving up pleasures or vices.

We always need to remember to read scripture first in its original context. The phrase “pick up your cross” in todays language might read something like “pick up your electric chair”.

The cross was a symbol of death – more specifically death row. So when the readers of that time read this sentence it had a much heavier weight.

Basically if you are to follow Christ, you are willingly going on death row. You are saying you are no longer your own. You die so Christ can live in you. “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”

Be blessed today as you meditate on what it means for you to personally pick up your cross and follow Jesus!

Prepare the Way

In Matthew 3 we see John the Baptist preaching the word, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” He was considered the one Isaiah spoke about when he prophesied a voice crying in the wilderness “Prepare the way of the Lord”.

How are we, as Christians, to also prepare the way of the Lord? I believe this is speaking to how we are to share the gospel with others. It’s easy to do all the things that check the boxes of Christianity like read the Bible, pray, go to church, but the difficult part is the prep work required for us to be the salt and light of the world. (Matthew 5:13-16)

Salt is a preservative. How am I preserving the gospel message on a daily basis? Not only preaching it to myself, but also preaching it to those around me? John the Baptist “prepared the way of the Lord” by telling everyone and anyone who would listen to repent! 

We are to be the light. Light illuminates the darkness yet also helps show the way. We are called to “go and make disciples”. This is the great commission. The Bible does not tell us to sit in our cozy homes and just pray for people. Beautiful are the feet of those that bring good news. (Isaiah 52:7)

How are you preparing the way of the Lord today, tomorrow, and this week?

Goals

Every year at this time we set out to change things for next year. What goals have you set in place? How long do you think you can keep them going?

In order to make a true shift in your ability to make something actually happen, you must commit by changing or updating your identity. The number one goal we should all have this year is to get a few steps closer to Jesus. Our whole world becomes clearer and calmer when we abide in Jesus and His Word abides in us!

Who are you? What is your identity? If your identity is found in Jesus, then let the following five commitments be our battle cry this year:

  1. I am committed to having a “learner’s spirit” (a desire to learn Jesus).
  2. I am committed to examine my life honestly in light of the Bible only and not the world.
  3. I am committed to comparing myself to the Bible rather than to others.
  4. I am committed to obeying God, in all circumstances.
  5. I am committed to Biblically prepare myself for trials and tribulation this year and learn through them as I lean on the Word of God. 

With these five commitments in mind, our one, over-arching commitment should be to read the Bible often and thoroughly. Be blessed through God’s love letter to you!

Purpose, Passion, and Peace

How do you live your life? What do you think about most? What do you think about when you think about God?

A.W. Tozer said that what you think about God is the most important thing about you. While that statement is true, a better thought, in my opinion, was said by C.S. Lewis and says what God thinks about you is infinitely more important.

There are two responses to how we live our lives.

Our vertical response and our horizontal response.

Our vertical response is how we were created in light of our relationship vertically, up to God. Our horizontal response is how we were created in light of our relationships horizontally, out to others. The simple answer is usually the most easy to understand, is often the most practical, and usually the hardest to follow.

VERTICAL – You are intended to WORSHIP God.

HORIZONTAL – You are intended to HELP other humans.

As a woman, you are intended to help. Not everyone all the time, but specific people for specific seasons. As an individual, your job is to bring glory to God. As a wife, your roll is to be a helper to your husband. As a mother, your job is to help raise your children to glorify God. As an adult daughter, your job is to help and honor your aging parents. As a friend, your job is to help carry your friends burdens.

Are you overwhelmed yet by that long list? Being a helper is a lot of work. My goal is to try to help you become the best at giving glory and worship to God first and knowing exactly how to be the best helper to others in your life without completely overwhelming yourself. I want you to know when it’s time to say yes and time to say no. I want you to know that every need that people present to you is not always a calling from God. I want you to know that it is OK and necessary to keep a lot of white space on your calendar rather than filling it up with things that may not matter 100 years from now.

Are you ready to find out God’s foundational plan for you? Are you ready to be full of purpose, passion, and peace? Are you ready to stop caring about what the world thinks your purpose should be and focus on God’s perfect plan? Are you ready to rest in that gorgeous plan that is already spelled out for you in the Bible?

I pray that this blog will help you to lean more fully on the Holy Spirit, follow more fervently Jesus’ example, and rest more abundantly in God’s plan.

Do you really know the Gospel message?

God created everything. He created this earth and everything in it, including you and me. He created us in his image meaning we are smart, we are willful, we have emotions, and we have an internal compass that helps us intuitively know right from wrong even if we were never taught these things. God created us to be holy too, because He is holy. Holy means to be set apart, to be pure. We once were fully 100% holy and pure. But remember, God made us willful and smart in his image. Even though he created us, we somehow decided we knew better. We were deceived into thinking we could control our lives without God; that we were right, and his commands to us on how were were to live our lives were optional, so we did our own thing. We went left, when God clearly asked us to go right. 

That one decision to live outside of God’s will (the rules he set for us) caused us to no longer be pure. We were now on our own. No longer able to be with God. We willfully separated ourselves from God in a selfish act of desiring to be our own master, our own god. Through this departure from God brought massive consequences of sin. No longer were were following the righteous will of God, but the sinful will of our own flesh. Sin became the outpouring of who we are. Sin, while often thought of as an act, is the essence of who we ARE. Sin is our state of being. Sin means we are no longer holy, we are separated from God, on our own, living for ourselves 100% of the time. 

This sin state of being has horrendous ramifications. It manifests itself in different ways for different people. For some, sin shows in big ways that we all know and hate such as murder, rape, and grand theft. However, for the majority of us it manifests in small ways, such as white lies to get out of a parking ticket, stealing office supplies from our work, “borrowing” music and movies illegally on the Internet, cheating just a bit, or a lot on our taxes, making false insurance claims to get a better outcome, gossiping about a friend to make ourselves look better, all in an effort to live a life that seems to be free but is full of bondage. Sin is a lifestyle marked by self-serving behavior. Again, sis not an act, but it is who we are. It is the very fiber of our being.

If you were to vote for a new judge for the Supreme Court Justice, I would bet you would not vote for one who uses the slogan, “Vote for me, All go free!” That would defeat the purpose of a judge. We want the most impartial judge. Our souls still cry for justice when we, or a fellow human being are wronged. God is the ultimate Judge. He created you, He created me. Because He created us all, that means He has ultimate ownership, authorship, and He can do what he likes with us regardless of what we think because that is fair. When I create art, a meal, a child, I am in charge. I am the authority over that creation. I decide where it goes, what it does, and how it moves forward. I am in an authoritative position over anything I create (within moral reason with a child, but I hope you get where I am going here). 

It is the same right of God. If you agree that God is the Creator of this world, including you and me, then we must agree that God has an authoritative right over all of His creation. Ultimately that is why sin is considered, by the vast majority, to be a bad thing. It must be punished. Sinful acts are an outpouring of our sin nature. Our desire to be in charge and our desire to do what we want rather than what God, our Creator has asked us to do, deserves punishment. We do not deserve a get-out-of-jail-free card simply because we are “pretty good”. He is holy, yet we are no longer holy. We cannot be in the presence of God without judgement. There needs to be a reconciliation in order for us to be right before God again. A created thing that goes rogue, deserves to be found and put down. We deserve death, which would be our jail sentence. That is what Hell is all about. Hell is our prison cell. We get a glimpse of what it is in the Bible, and believe me, you do not want to go there. Just a few descriptive words about it are enough to make your skin crawl: eternal damnation, weeping, gnashing of teeth, eternal fire, unquenchable thirst. This jail cell is where we are all headed for eternity because of our separation from God. 

Here is where the reality of our state gets wildly interesting and almost too incredible for words. God is love. He is not just loving, He does not just love us, but he IS love. He is the very source of love. He knows we are weak. He knows we need Him. He knows our flesh is strong. He stepped in and did the one thing we could never do. He came down to live among us perfectly. He sent his only Son, Jesus, God in the flesh, to live a perfect life. Something none of us could ever do. He lived literally a perfect, sinless life. He was our proxy. Then, in an inconceivable act of mercy and grace, He died the very death each and every one of us deserve to die. He was guiltless. He lived the life we never could only to die the death each of us should. Death on a cross. A horrendously humiliating, excruciatingly painful and draw-out death. He reconciled my life, He reconciled your life to God through His death. He paid our penalty. He satisfied the Judge. He stepped in for us!

As if that were not enough, Jesus came back to life. He defeated death. He defied nature. He is a living proof of what we get to experience some day. It almost seems too good to be true! It seems like a great fairy tail. But it is real. The veracity of the Bible, the actual life, death, AND resurrection of the man Jesus has been documented and proven even by those outside of the Christian faith! So why are there millions upon millions of people who still don’t believe and may never give their live to Christ? Our sin nature is so deeply rooted and woven into the fiber of our souls that we want it not to be true. God still gives us a choice. He still gives us our will. Our will wants to satisfy ourself. Our soul cannot and will not bow to another. The throne room of our hearts already has someone firmly seated on it’s seat: ourself. There is hope, however!

God calls His children. One by one, His Holy Spirit convinces and convicts us of our sin, of our need for holiness and righteousness, and He presses on our heart the very heavy burden of our sin and need for judgement. The Holy Spirit works in us, quickening our heart to desire after God’s heart. He shows us the reality of our sin and the glory and splendor of what it means to be free of that burden. The simple yet profound act of placing our life in the hands of the Almighty God becomes a 180 degree shift from self to God. We must turn from our idol of self and turn to a life where Jesus is the only One able to sit on the throne of our heart. We must raise the white flag, admit that we were wrong, seek forgiveness from our sin, and admit that ownership is not ours, but our Creators. We must trust fully in Jesus. We must follow hard after Him knowing others will despise us. As a follower of Jesus, we now recognize the futility of living for our “self” and realize the beauty of a grace and mercy-filled life of living for God. 

Friend, if you are on the wrong side of this, I implore you, by the mercy of God, to get reconciled to God. Place your trust and faith in Him alone. Turn away from your sin and yourself and turn to God. The peace and love and mercy and grace will wrap around your heart and give you courage and strength to follow hard after Him. There is no magic prayer. There is no “ticket to Heaven” only to go back to a self-serving life. If you have raised the white flag, read the Bible. That is how God speaks to us. Pray all the time, talk to God, ask for Him to forgive you of your sin. Ask Him to give you faith and wisdom to do His will. Share with others what you have found!

An Impossible Christmas Story

We celebrate Christmas every year, hopefully focusing on the glory of God, celebrating His work on the cross, and His unmatchable amazing gift he bestowed on His people, the gift of eternal life. We celebrate by coming together with family, eating, or rather stuffing ourselves with delicious foods, and exchange gifts to show our love for each other.

But consider that first Christmas. While yes, God came down as man in the form of helpless baby, consider the other side. Jesus left His thrown. Jesus, who is continually praised and worshiped by the angels did the unthinkable. The interesting part of this story, is what makes it so factual. Who would think up such a thing? The Pharisees did not even see it. They were looking for a King to take over and make things better. A baby? A man who came to be slaughtered? Oh, no, no, no. That was unthinkable.

Would the President of the United States, or any president or king of another country step down from his or her office, their rightful place, and go live in the slums, get beaten unjustly, accused for wrongs they never committed, then die for people who hated them? It sounds ridiculous, but that is exactly what Jesus did. He did it because it was the only way. He did it because he not only loves us, he LIKES us. Think about THAT for a minute.

During this Christmas season, I encourage you to sit for a while in quite contemplating the story behind Christmas. Contemplate the horror and weight of the real story. The angels were rejoicing when baby Jesus came on the scene but had they known his plans I bet that verse would have exchanged rejoicing for weeping. Don’t get me wrong, what a GLORIOUS plan He fulfilled, but be sure it was a plan with such weight and such penetrating radical love that no human being would ever consider it plausible.

Thank you Jesus for your undefinable untouchable unchangeable love for us. You came to be with us, to live a life we never could and to die a death we deserve. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for healing us. Thank you for choosing us. Thank you for You!

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Periscope: Satan’s Newest Weapon of Mass Destruction

In 1 Samuel 2:16 it says “Let them burn the fat first.” What does this mean? Some speculate it had to do with the fat being what gives us our strength. God wants us to get our strength from Him and Him alone. To boast only in Him. He asked us to give the best to Him first. Do you see what happened in this verse?

And if the man said to him, “Let them burn the fat first, and then take as much as you wish,” he would say, “No, you must give it now, and if not, I will take it by force.” 1 Samuel 2:16 ESV

Who is talking? A random man who was sacrificing and a priest’s servant who was demanding the man give to the priest what the Lord commanded should be given to Him alone. What is the significance here? Even the common man knew this was wrong. What was going on here was very very wrong.

Today we think nothing of skipping breakfast let alone prayer time and Bible study. It breaks my heart that I too am responsible for not loving the LORD my God with ALL my heart, soul, strength, and mind. I am guilty of waking up and giving the first part of my mind to Facebook, or Instagram, or text messages, or emails. My flesh is weak. New worldly distractions are being pushed out daily. Periscope can now be added to my list of distractions and sin. We all have trigger points. Things that will take us out of the game from time to time.

Satan is on the continual prowl seeking new and innovative ways to keep the lost from finding God and the saved from doing their work. You may find me a bit over-the-top by calling Periscope a weapon of mass destruction, but if you think about it for just a second, if it is taking someone away from God’s work then most certainly it could be. Just like anything else in this world could also be considered the same. Again, it goes back to knowing what is taking you away from the work of God. Food, TV, people, worldly praise and recognition, your kids, relationships, careers, sports, etc. Really the list is endless.

We all have our weaknesses. What is taking you out of the game? What is causing your eyes to dim from the light of the Kingdom? What are you doing that is not allowing you to give God your first? Are you even aware that you are not giving Him your best?

Father, I ask for more of you. More of your Holy Spirit. Jesus teach me. Holy Spirit guide me. Father give me wisdom to do your will. Take away my selfish ambition and help me to have Kingdom eyes and Kingdom flesh. Humble my pride. Sharpen my mind. Train me and discipline me. Give me mercy and grace and love for your people, and above all give me Jesus.

Gallons and Gallons and Gallons of Blood

1 John 1:9 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9 is one of the most loved and memorized verses of all time. We use it often and much yet I fear because of its over use we may gloss over its weight. Much like our desensitization of the cross as an actual capital punishment death chamber, also our understanding of sin and judgement has been desensitized.

Consider what had to be done for sin before the Cross, before Jesus for someone to be “cleansed from all unrighteousness.” A reading of the Old Covenant points to the redemption of the Lamb that was slain. We gloss over these verses but when you consider the sheer mass of animal sacrifices that went on during that time it is mind boggling. I used to visualize the priest in his white robe and ephod dazzling in the sun looking good in his Sunday School best. Realistically, however, they were covered in blood. Any butcher can tell you that animal killing is a messy business. The volume of animals sacrificed coupled with the continual throwing of the blood on the alter, I am certain the whole ordeal was a bloody splattered mess. Read the verses at the end to give you an idea of the masses of animals that were sacrificed. Don’t miss this: blood flowed, and it flowed heavily. This was no light matter.

So how, and why can a God who is righteous, a God who is just, be able to forgive us with the sacrifice of just ONE Man? That question alone is where we veer off course. The question should not be in light of the Man Jesus. That one Man was THE Lamb. He was the Lamb that was described over and over again in the Old Covenant. He was without blemish. Spotless. Perfect. Without sin… He. Was. GOD! God gave himself up as the heaviest thickest richest blood that would ever be or could ever be. It was His blood that was enough. His blood that could carry the weight of the sins of the world. Don’t miss it beloved! The weight of His blood should weigh on your heart every time you consider it. Your sin should weigh on your heart every time you consider it. He died and bled pure perfect righteous blood for you. He lived a life that was perfect. He lived a life you never could and died a death you deserved. All for you! It was the only way. Ponder it. Wonder at it. Glorify Him for it. Live for Him because He did something you could never accomplish and because of Him you are free. This verse should be memorized. It should be often flowing from your mouth. But consider the weight of it the next time you share it or meditate on it. It is quite a big deal. Praise God!

Here are some verses to give you some reference:

1 Chronicles 29:21 ESV
[21] And they offered sacrifices to the LORD, and on the next day offered burnt offerings to the LORD, 1,000 bulls, 1,000 rams, and 1,000 lambs, with their drink offerings, and sacrifices in abundance for all Israel.

2 Chronicles 29:21-22 ESV
[21] And they brought seven bulls, seven rams, seven lambs, and seven male goats for a sin offering for the kingdom and for the sanctuary and for Judah. And he commanded the priests, the sons of Aaron, to offer them on the altar of the LORD. [22] So they slaughtered the bulls, and the priests received the blood and threw it against the altar. And they slaughtered the rams, and their blood was thrown against the altar. And they slaughtered the lambs, and their blood was thrown against the altar.

2 Chronicles 35:7 ESV
[7] Then Josiah contributed to the lay people, as Passover offerings for all who were present, lambs and young goats from the flock to the number of 30,000, and 3,000 bulls; these were from the king’s possessions.

A Day of Grief and Incurable Pain

Have you ever done something you knew was wrong? Of course you have. You are human. Yesterday I was taught a rather harsh life lesson from God that had I known was going to be so harsh I would have never done what I did. But then, that’s how it goes, right? This is sort of long as it recounts a rather intense snapshot of my day so please bear with me.

I’m one of those people who have problems with authority. So much so that I have to verbally confirm whenever I can that if I place myself under someone’s authority then I fully understand that God will judge that person on how well they lead me and I will be judged on how well I obey the person leading whether that person is right or wrong. When we place ourselves under leadership we hope and pray that they will lead us correctly, but in the end there will be some things that they do wrong. Interestingly, we will not be responsible for their leading, just our obeying.

So, after multiple conversations about this with several people in my life recently, it happened. I lead someone wrong. Mostly in my life I am a follower when it comes to anything spiritual, however in one very specific area, God has allowed me a major form of leadership for a short time: I am a mom to a bright little boy named Jacob. Here is what happened.

Two days ago Jacob got an upset stomach, some sort of bug, and I found him in his room rather upset. We chatted about it and he said it was going away. I asked him if he prayed about it and he told me yes, that he told God he would not play a certain video game all day tomorrow if God would make his tummy feel better. ***TEACHING MOMENT*** bannered across my head. I told him that is a bad place to put God. God is not a genie in a bottle waiting to be bargained with. He is GOD. We got on a great conversation about how big God is and how potentially bad it is to get in the habit of bargaining with the Almighty Creator of the Universe. He got it. He began to cry. He began to pray for forgiveness. We talked some more and I was able to tell him it is OK, he did not know, and God knew I would be here to teach him the right way. It was a great teaching moment. I shared with him that God not only loves Jacob but that he LIKES him too. God knows we are dust and knows we need His patience.

Fast forward to Jacob coming home from school the next afternoon and he instantly asked if he could go back on his vow and please could he play his video game. I told him absolutely not. Flash forward 2 hours later and now I am trying to get work done and he is in typical “bored out of his mind because he can’t do what he wants” mode. I have an appointment that should only last 30 minutes so I tell him, OK, go ahead and play the video game. I will allow it. BIG MISTAKE. He plays it. I get my work done. After 30 minutes I take him to the pool. We talk. I ask him how he felt playing his game. He said, not great. I told him that is his conscience bearing witness against him. He says, yes, but I am the one at fault. Remember, I told you this is a story about my “bright” son Jacob. He is often the one teaching me the lesson. I ask him how it is that I am at fault. He said simply, “Because you are my mom and you said I could play.”

NAILED IT! He was right. I can’t remember but I like to think I said I was sorry but honestly I don’t think I did. We went on with our evening. He went to bed and I decided to do something to help my ear problems. Needless to say what I did was stupid, but based on how I have done this in the past, the outcome this time was not normal. I was given a heaping serving of pain like I have never felt. Worse than childbirth and I did that without any pain killers, fully natural. That was hard. This was about 10 times harder. I felt like someone was sticking knives, literal knives into my skull and slightly turning them. The reason this pain was so bad was because there was no relief. It lasted for 4.5 hours with me crying so loud I’m surprised my neighbors did not call the cops. At the 4.5 hour mark, I was able to stop crying in agony and the pain sort of subsided but only in that I could sit still clenching my teeth for another 1.5 hours at which point I finally fell asleep for 1 hour sitting upright only to be woken up by the pain for another hour, although the last hour was a dull manageable pain.

A lot goes on when you are in that much writhing pain without any relief. I have never EVER gone through anything like that. To say I got a good look at my sin is an understatement. About 2 hours in (mind you I am used to this pain because I have sinusitis really bad but I know it will pass in 10 minutes) I start to realize God is trying to teach me something bigger here. What? When you are in that much pain it is hard to think about anything else. So I turn on my audio Bible and listen. I listen to two back to back days of Bible reading: Isaiah 13-18. And there it is. A small part of a verse tucked in Isaiah 17:11. “…in a day of grief and incurable pain.”

My mind went to all those people in my life who will potentially end up on the other side of eternity gnashing their teeth. Writhing in incurable pain. Such grief as they have ever known. Forever and ever. What a picture. What incredible sorrow I felt. Then my mind raced to Jesus. 6 hours! SIX. LONG. HOURS. He endured pain on the cross. Not just any pain. The worst kind of pain. Something I am sure my pain compared not. It was then that I did the math. I knew, just KNEW God was going to make this thing last for 6 hours. I can’t tell you how I knew but I did. I was humbled to say the least. My mind became clear and I knew what I had done wrong. YOU, my dear reader, know what I did wrong. I was given one leadership job: my son. And I failed. I broke Jacob’s vow to God. I had caused one of the least of these to sin. I deserved every ounce of pain plus more. I was horrified. I took my licks. I woke Jacob up in the morning and apologized. I learned my lesson. I was a bad steward of the “talent” God had given me. Jacob is one of my “talents” and my job is to grow him. My selfish world got in the way of upholding something I tried to teach him was of the utmost importance: God. Then I tossed God aside for just a second. For what? For a stupid worldly appointment. For a worldly peace and quite so I could get my work done.

Needless to say, my world has shifted. I will have a very hard conversation with Jacob today after school. I will have a very hard conversation with my husband today. It is the hard things in life that help us grow. I hope to never have to endure the kind of pain I experienced last night but I also would never trade the experience for anything. The lessons I learned were priceless. I became resolved to endure whatever I need to for the sake of growth and the sake of loving and following Jesus. Nothing else matters. He matters. I resolve to stop messing around and be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better servant, a better slave to Christ.