Our Deep Desire to Feel Forgiven

jenosullivan_20131126_0001I was on a walk with my son and he mistakenly tipped over the Bob stroller while I was washing my hands because he was leaning out of it to the side. He is 6 so he’s a bit big for the stroller but he likes the ride. (Personally I would love to take a ride in the Bob too! ha!) So, in the tipping over, everything fell out of the cup holders onto the concrete: my iPhone and my brand new Bluetooth speaker. Both got a bit scratched up. He was horrified. The look on his face was such deep remorse. He knows the value of things and is a very careful child. I scrambled to pick everything up and to check if all was still working. Check. Then I looked back at him. “Sorry mom.”

I knew it was an accident, but when I went to wash my hands I gave him specific instructions to stay seated. He did not. I told him as much. I knew it was an accident but he also did not listen to my instructions. I said a short “OK” that meant I accepted his apology. It was not enough for him. For the next 10 minutes as we walked up the hill, he kept saying he was sorry, really sorry. I had forgiven him. We talked about it and all was done. Then why was he still pursuing my forgiveness? It dawned on me. I do the same thing with God! I know in my head that I am forgiven the moment I ask to be. Even my sin nature (not my actions but my sin being) is fully forgiven. But still, I bring things up over and over again. “I’m sorry! Really really sorry!”

My son needed to “feel” forgiven. The idea that he knew in his head that he was forgiven was not enough. I stopped our walk and went around to talk to him to let him know that I fully forgive him. I fully love him. I know he made a mistake. I gave him a hug. That is what he needed. He is my child. I am the child of God’s. Sometimes I need a hug. I need to be told in several different ways that I am forgiven. But how do we get to the point where it is not just head knowledge but we actually feel forgiven?

I remember asking a friend of mine a related question when I was in High School. “How come I cannot feel God anymore and how do I get that feeling back?” I’ve asked that question multiple times over the years to multiple people, pastors included. It always boiled down to something I was doing wrong. Sadly that is just not true. We speak to God through prayer and He speaks to us through His Word and circumstances. If you are not in His Word daily, and I don’t mean reading a verse or two, I mean really IN His Word, studying and learning, then what makes you think you are going to have any sense for what He wants to tell you?

I have heard of the Scriptures being the Living Word of God. What? I never fully understood that. Being a highly churched person, the concept went right over my head. Now, however, I get it. We, as humans need life. We need living interaction with others. God is so distant at times. Well, Biblically He may be testing you, but naturally He wants to have you seek Him and He wants to be known. His Word is life and to us who follow Jesus it is also alive! If you claim Jesus as your savior I challenge you this year to read the Bible cover to cover plus do a study of a couple books over the year. My pastor, Mike Fabarez says “One of the greatest ways to guard against heresy is to read the entire Bible often.”

I know a lot of you may say, “Sure, I’ve read the entire Bible.” Really? Every Year? Maybe you have. I can tell you that I used to say that all the time. Then I actually did it. All the way. Cover to cover. It changed me. God changed me. It is amazing and I highly recommend you start today. Check out this very easy Daily Bible Reading plan. I love it because some days when I am in my car I can listen to it on my phone or even through my Bluetooth. No longer can the excuse be made to not read your Bible as I am giving you a link to LISTEN to it every day.

If you want to read more on my thoughts about why reading the Bible as well as wanting to read the Bible may in fact prove or possibly even disprove your salvation, check out this post: DO YOU LOVE GOD’S WORD?

No judgement, just a call to do a spiritual check up. :)

Shalom! (I’m learning Hebrew, yippee!)

Blessing God ~ The Sad Crown

We all would love to walk around our homes with a tiara or a crown on. Come on. Admit it. My kid always says “You’re not the boss of me!” and I have to laugh a little at the absurdity of that. I am the boss of him, but ultimately God is the Boss of him… AND the Boss of me! I have to wake up every morning to beg God to dethrone me. If left up to my own way, I would gladly have the world revolve around me. We all would. All we know is what we know, nothing more, nothing less. Imagine when Jesus comes home to take his rightful place, there will be no more democracy. No more opinion about what you think should be and not be. No more debates about what side you are going to vote for. Do you know what a true monarchy is? Realistically and honestly you have to admit that you don’t. It is totally foreign to you. Well, guess what? God is in charge even now so stop trying to pretend you have any say in it. Have you read Job lately? It will rock you to the core. What sad little crowns we think we wear. Job is my hero!

The Sad Crown“The Sad Crown”

“He has stripped from me my glory and taken the crown from my head.”

- Job 9:19

Photography by Jen O’Sullivan

Blessing God Series
Rain from the Lord
Grass in the Field
Parable of the Pearl
Rocks Cry Out
Flourish
Joy in the Thorns
Perfection
Fruit
Everything
Integrity
Hiding Place
Wonderfully Made
Busy Bee
Dread